Short riff

Last week, my girlfriend Jay sat next to a plump woman on a plane when travelling from Melbourne to Perth.

"I was busting to go to the toilet but couldn't get past her," she said. "So I asked her if she could move and she just grunted at me."

"Did she move?" I asked.

"Eventually," Jay said. "And I was like 'you've gone to the bathroom like FIVE times!"

After Jay returned and squeezed past the woman, the stewardess arrived with a cart-full of breakfasts. According to Jay, the stewardess tapped the woman on the shoulder and said: “Breakfast, ma'am. What would you like, the muesli or the bacon and eggs?”

“Have you got any gluten-free options?” the woman said.

“We do but on a case-by-case basis. You need to fill out the dietary requirements form we send you before the flight.”

“Well,” the woman said, “I guess I’m not having breakfast then, am I?”

"We still offer gluten-free options, you just need to pay for them, as outlined on the menu, ma'am.”

The woman scoffed, then turned to Jay and gave her a look that said, 'can you believe this woman?'

After giving Jay muesli, the stewardess left. Then the woman reached into her bag and pulled out a muffin.